Mom Diplomacy

My mother stayed neutral when it came to disputes that occurred between any of her four children and their respective spouses. My wife compares her to Switzerland. Mom had a strong identity as a mother and resented any denigration of the office. For example, she hated the character of Ray's mom on tv's Everybody Loves Raymond for many reasons, most obviously her meddling in Ray's family but especially the idea that a mother could favor one child over another. She resented Saddam Hussein for saying that the Gulf War would be the "mother of all wars," and she hated the vulgarity of the expression "mother of all {fill in blank}," which became a meme. She didn't like the expectant mother (with whom she shared a room in the maternity ward) who was disappointed when the baby she delivered was the opposite of the sex she was hoping for. 

As Lincoln said,

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master.

My mother felt the same way about meddlers. This was summed up by her favorite Family Circus comic (by Bil Keane), which hung on her refrigerator. An old biddy sees the mom with four small children and says, "How do you divide your love among your children?" The mom replies, "I don't. I multiply it!"

A future post will cover specific famous folks my mother could not stand: Frank Sinatra and his song "Something Stupid," Oprah, Nixon (the New Nixon when he became president), Jeannette MacDonald, Alex Trebek (a love/hate thing), Buddy Hackett (when he worked blue), and Franklin Delano Roosevelt. 

Today v. the 1930s: Opportunities

Women today have it pretty good compared to 1930 or 1970. I was watching Mrs. America on FX on Hulu and got to thinking about the frustrations expressed subtly by Mom from as far back as I can remember.
One example involves my first bank account, safely ensconced in the old Hamburg Savings Bank on Fulton Street in Cypress Hills, Brooklyn. In the 1960s, when bank interest was 5% (not a typo), if you left 100 bucks in your account you found 105 bucks (and more, depending on compounding interest daily or monthly) after one year. My mother would bring our bank books to the bank to have the teller run them through the printer and show the interest accrued over the fiscal quarters since the last time it was updated.
The first entry in each of the three books (myself and my two brothers) showed $300. I asked Mom where the money came from. She said that she had cashed in her War Bonds to start the accounts. During World War II, the government sold bonds to finance the war, unlike practices after the war such as tax surcharges or budget increases adding to the federal deficit.
Printed at the top of the first page of the book was her name followed by the words "In Trust For [my name]." I asked her what "In Trust For" meant. She said that it was her money (which was true) and that I could not have my own account until I turned 18. She said many times up until I was 18 and many times thereafter, "You know I could cash in all your accounts and go to Hawaii." You hear this when you're little and it's a joke. As I got older, I realized it was my mother feeling trapped—being smart, wanting more, and having no way to get it.
Flash forward to the 21st c. when she was in her late 90s. I wanted to help her out with her checking account when she was having a harder time balancing the checkbook and just writing out a check. I thought power of attorney was a good idea for me to have. Even better and more practical was a joint account, so advised a bank officer, with her name and my name, allowing me to write her checks for her and conduct any bank business as if it were my own.
So, after 40 years or more there we were, together again on the same bank book.

typo the morning to ya

Spied at Pier 11, Wall St.